16 Months To Go

It’s been set, my first debut solo show has been scheduled 16 months from now. A solo show as they say, marks the success of an artist in breaking into the scene but this has been much delayed. I was offered the solo show last year and had I worked on it sooner, I could have debuted earlier – but of course, I do believe that I needed to be side-tracked to realize the greater things I need to prioritize.

I find myself back to where I was and realizing where I should be, at home in Sta Rosa where I now fix and organize my literary-office/book-art studio and wood shop with much excitement. Things I believe are falling into place and I’ve set my goal. Research and studies fill my idle times aside from working on the studio which proves to be laborious.

Repainting the walls after 15 years and refurbishing furniture. It is due to the fact that I must live a frugal life where I have to do these things on my own. A meagre salary from writing and a few projects here and there doesn’t promote an indulgent lifestyle. It’s a good thing I find happiness in laborious things – it is one of the things that make me happy when I’ve successfully finished doing the things that seemed impossible and seemed tiring.

I do not expect that I will be able to go out as often as I’d like but I’ve willingly embraced this loneliness to work on my show and other projects. There is contentment and satisfaction as I see small fruits of my labour. To add to the fact that I must live as frugal as I should, going out will be very much limited which is something that I’ve accepted. I content myself with the simple joys of hearing different great news from friends and ex-lovers. I recently found out that one of my ex-lovers from college is going to get married, I am thrilled and happy for her.

However, since I have thrown myself away from the Gates of Hell(Manila, in its romantic description), my joys and happiness for these people have become nothing more than a murmur in another corner of the universe, let it be so for my sadness. How terrible it is to not be able to express happiness in one’s own way but be reduced to nothing more than words and Facebook statuses and messages…

I have gathered enough materials to start and some of the pieces I’ve already started working on. My solo show is about the Human Condition, which proves to be quite a heavy and deep concept which requires a lot of research and a lot of books to read. I must study and further explore ideas and continue to work on which is the best way to execute, despite difficulties.

There is no easy way to this.