Contemplates Life at a Temple

I find myself hurrying to finish projects, favors, and gifts to people I care about, and also for the sake of my undying sense of honor.  

I only have a week left since I decided to take the scholarship that was offered last month that will take me to a temple in Bacolod and live there studying Buddhism and other things like calligraphy and Buddhist etiquette regarding living a simple life. Not to mention the delicious vegetarian food in there that I can eat. Finally eating healthy! 

Despite having the opportunity to decline and simply get on with my life and just follow what I have laid out for myself this year, I would still grab this opportunity.  

It's definitely something I've always wanted to go to but since I chose to focus on my solo show,the single most important thing that I've been working on, everything not related to my solo debut has been nothing but a distraction. 

This one is different because aside from getting in as a scholar, it can teach me in so many ways that may even help create better artworks in the future. 

I just know that I'll come out of this a better person. 

The many projects I have will then have to wait.

I also want to go to Tibet someday and I would like to go there not as tourist but someone who studied the ways of Buddha. 

I believe in fate. Everything seems to fall into place.

Short Travels on Two Wheels and a Million Things to be Sad About

A biker on a corner of a huge painting, a Siopao vendor riding a
vintage bike, I think.

September is here and I did a little bit of travelling where I get to see art. I have been using my bike as far as I could but had to commute all the way to Angono. I sort of regret coming all the way there but it was because I had to help a friend in need of someone to fix their roof and ceiling not to mention she's been depressed and been wanting to kill herself since June. I thought that going there might alleviate the misery and ease a little bit of pain even if it were environmentally, like the ceiling that has been leaking. Unfortunately, I realized that it was a bad idea and found myself trapped in a rather unpleasant situation.

Apparently, depression has always been a puzzling subject for me and I wonder how people stay sad for a very long time. It must be tiring to think about killing oneself every now and then and to be sad that it gets in the way of routine or normal human functions. It must also be very mind-exhausting to think about the shitty things that happened to one's life and sulk about it. When that happens to me I usually get mad and try to avoid situations but I don't normally act on it.
It doesn't mean I haven't been sad or depressed, I have been sad and depressed but I don't let it last for weeks or months. I do get heartbroken because I know I lay my heart too often and it may last for a while but it doesn't mean I'll stop functioning or stop living. I always try to find things that will make me happy or find a way to be happy doing mundane things. Merely existing is not enough, one must live and provide meaning to the void that one has because it will not come and fill itself up on its own. Too often than not doing leisure hedonistic things actually gets me down, what's really rewarding and fulfilling is to create things that reflect parts of my soul and hopefully, I would get to live by it and earn just enough to survive.
My friend said she has been crying herself to sleep and thought that death is a sweet release. There have been shitty things that happened to her recently that she couldn't bare accept it.

It was a huge inconvenience for me and I have wasted time, effort, and money doing so.
The commute to Angono from Cubao was a grueling ordeal, I don't know how these people do it each day.
It was like being in a container van with strangers, ready to be trafficked across the border except for the very loud ghetto music that the jeeps going there play on end. No wonder my friend is depressed.

For the sake of our friendship I decided to just go ahead with it and just look at the positive side of things.

As a consolation, I decided to visit Pinto Art Musem for the second time and see what new art works they have in store. Since my friend have no idea how to travel around her province, we have wasted an hour and a half going around to Antipolo and spent a few more bucks. It really pays to know one's province.

At the Pinto Art Museum, Antipolo. It was a breath taking 25 ft by 10 ft
painting, at least the approximation of the size.

A pocket 2014 planner I bought for 20 bucks

I told my friend that she might enjoy getting a hobby like biking in order to get her mind off her sorrow. She said she could use it to travel back and forth Manila but I noticed she's not so into it. But as one can see, the beauty of bike is undeniable and there're art to prove it so. It is one of the hobbies that I would like to keep and share with friends.

I've tried my best to cheer her up and tell her that sadness is just a state-of-mind but she argued that she's having a mental illness which results to depression. In the end, there was nothing I could have done, she'd be sad either way.

I'm very happy about what I discovered and to set aside the ordeal I had to go through. I'm just glad I got home and was welcomed by hungry kitties who have been waiting for my return. Although finding out that my family ate one of my chickens while I was a way made me sad for a bit, I'm just not that sad enough.

As for depression, people are going to be depressed because they unknowingly keep themselves depressed. They kept on thinking about the sad thing that happened and they chose not to move on. There are in fact at least a million things to be sad about and the list doesn't end but we can provide a few things to get people down and experience agony even just momentarily.
Which I will then discuss on my next entry because I don't want to make reading this entry awfully long and might trigger depression to some.